Self Empowerment
After any life trauma, sex abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse in a relationship, narcissistic injury from a parent and any other form that shatters a self esteem,one can recover. There is hope. Unfortunately these days many of us are looking for a quick fix. This may come in the form of medication, brief therapy, being manipulated by some alternative means of therapy, and/or self help books that flood the market. In reality, it takes time, and failure. Yes, failure. Failure after trying, leads us to improve. One must have the desire and the passion to stick with change and learn that we will fail after trying.
For myself and others I have treated, it takes risking. This may mean risking in new relationships, or new experiences in life. One needs to push the limits and try in areas they may of previously evoked anxiety. This life we walk only comes around once. To sit back and complain, worry and try to control situations that are beyond our control is a waste of time and energy. How many of us talk about the problem ? Whine about our dysfunctional significant other. We expend large amounts of energy on complaints and concerns. Imagine if we took that energy and applied it to change or to risking down a new path.
Reading this page, or buying my book will not elicit that change, I am trying to plant a seed and hoping it will spark an idea, a desire to move forward. When one moves forward, and tries something different in life and enjoys it or succeeds they will feel hopeful, and better about themselves. Maybe one needs to disclose their pain,confront their oppressor, and become empowered in that respect.
Whatever you decide to do, DO IT !!! Did you ever just try and stand up ? You can’t,you just stand up. Stop trying and do it. The other day I woke up and realized I was fifty years old. Where did my life go. I had experienced emotional pain, dissatisfaction in relationships, became a door mat doing more for others than myself. Writing,”Above His Shoulders ” and risking in a new relationship as well as accepting to be loved changed my life and perspective. Learning the difference between selfish behavior and allowing someone to give back to you. Knowing it is ok to ask for help, and realizing that humility equals wisdom.
Empowerment can be learned. This cannot happen overnight, and it has to come from within you. You cannot give up when you fail trying. Unless you enjoy emotional pain, then move, change, risk, fail, learn from the failure, and then succeed.
It is a great feeling. Go for a walk in the woods, sit down by a tree and just listen and look. Nature is a great teacher but you must become a part of it to learn. Not from a car window but from the ground. Lay down look up at the clouds as they morph into shapes. Listen to the wind blow through the leaves, and watch the birds as they dance and turn using the wind as their musical notes. We are really insignificant in the total scheme of life. Feel the humility, and then feel the strength of being alive. Every day can be a Friday. Only if you want it o be.
I have finally reached a point in my life that I am strong and secure. This does not stop me from trying to change everyday and look in the mirror to be better at what I do. Empowerment is not just a state of mind but a complete state of being. Enjoy it. You get ONE CHANCE.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
As a child abuse survivor (many beatings later), I think very kindly about 95% of your comments. The thread of karma can refer to anyone’s religion. I also believe that as the Roman Catholic Chuch has paid out over $1 Billion in claims against predatory priests molesting small children, that one has to sit back and wonder if chastity is appropriate for a pastor. However, as humans, we all slip and fall. As a committed Christian, I have watched those around me (not many, thank heavens!) fall in many different ways, to gossip, affairs, absconding with other’s money and yes, a couple to child molestation or “over beating” by the “religious” parent. But to put all religion in a garbage bag and throw it away, is not perhaps the most ideal concept. What I have learned by reading my bible and attending my evangelical church, is that when two or three are gathered in the name of Jesus, THAT is church. It is not about the decorations, trappings, rules, boards of elders, it is about having a real, lively, fun relationship with Jesus who came to earth to testify to the truth, and to die on the cross so we can all have eternal peace in heaven. It doesn’t mean you have to go anywhere any Sunday. Accept Him into our hearts, and He begins to change us from the inside out. At 52, I was stubborn and very bitter about church and ministers. But I still had a “God” shaped hole in my heart. With His help, forgiveness, understanding and blessings, and so many personal miracles to erase any doubt in my mind of God, I have changed. I am 60 now, it has been a gradual process. I believe I can help people by praying for them, and walking along side them for a while, as Jesus did with us during our most devastating moments. We – as you mentioned – must learn to forgive ourselves, that is true. But what a holy experience is when Jesus forgives all our own nasty little (and big) sins. He forgives and sanctifies us. Ya just gotta love Him!
Your sister in Christ,
Andrea (Excellent book!) By the way, there is a year long course (1st 20 weeks meeting once every week, then the rest of the year is meeting once a month to help each other understand our triggers, what they are, and how to take them apart when they happen. It is not a “Christian” course, but it is usually staffed by Christian volunteers, who speak softly and never judgmentally. The participants are not aware they are Christian. It is not about religion, it is about recovery. Check it out at emmaus.ca – I think the email address is execulink@emmaus.ca. It is totally free. Blessings!
Thank you for your reply and support. I will try to address a few of your issues and comments. Regarding Catholic priests and their payout. Money unfortunately will never make amends for the pain, hence this is why I would not sue my perpetrator. It is not an issue of chastity with pastors or priests. Sexual perpetrators are into control, for the most part anyway. I have had patients who were impotent and still abused.
I am so happy for you that you found Jesus Christ to walk with, for me religion is much, much different than spirituality. Whether someone finds Jesus Christ, Buddha, Allah or Wakan Tanka, what is important is that find inner peace through prayer and walk their own walk. When we draw opinions and point fingers and insist there is only on and only one walk with God we walk dangerous ground of arrogance and condensation. This may not be intentional, however we must lead by example and be all loving and accepting. When that self actualization occurs we display humility and true growth.
Thank You so much,
In Peace and Healing
Dan Wiliams
i read your book and was shoked by the sence of strenght you have shown . i have recomended this book to my friends to show them the strenght you had to redeam yourself and over come this horrific experience. thank you for sharing your expierience with us. your are an excellent writer! (this is on my list of favorites
)
Thank you Lisa, your compliments are appreciated. I hope to help others with my experience. Thank you again.
Dan Williams