Reframing Negativity

Rain fell on the blacktop road most of the stormy Spring evening. When the sun slowly broke through the ominous clouds that morning, the road glistened with an erie warning of reflection. Lynn was driving to school with an unconscious awareness of the weather, and more of a focus on Kevin, her upcoming date on Friday. The group Kansas began to fill the space of her compact car, when she looked up to view red tail lights starring her in the face. Time began to morph into ticks of a slow methodical time machine. Her epinephrine was gushing through her body as her fight or flight response kicked in. Brakes to the floor , two hands on the wheel and braced for the upcoming impact. Sounds of cars colliding echoed in her head. Fear, began to fill her body and mind. Physically she was good, mentally she was a disaster. Trembling, crying, and thoughts of being screamed at by parents filled her brain. Kevin was no longer a memory of excitement. Her stomach felt nauseous and her breathing became rapid. Soon a panic attack induced by fear would be all encompassing.

Traumas and unfortunate experiences happen to all of us. The study of psychoneuroimmunology addresses these issues and how we differ as humans in handling stress and life trauma.  Lynn in the above story now has a few choices. She can spin out of control for days, may have wants to never get in a car again, become depressed, have negative thoughts that she is a bad driver which could translate into  a distortion of, ” I am a bad person, I make so many mistakes.” Lynn must recognize she has choices . Choices on how she handles a given situation of stress and life trauma.

As my dear friend and author Dr. Hammerschlag state, ” It is not the event, the death in family, the car accident that causes the stress but it is how we approach the stressor, that is what creates the degree of stress  we experience.”  Many studies show that we can lower blood pressure, decrease heart rate, and decrease blood levels of fight or flight neurotransmitters by changing our thought pattern. Changing how we view certain situations in life. There have many books written on similar topics, the most recent is ,” The Secret.”  The Secret is nothing new, nothing that has not been said in many other ways. It is packaged differently to sell and still has that great message. I enjoyed The Secret, and it was written in an easy to understand method. Look at life differently, bad things do happen to good people, and all of us can get through stress if we approach the stressor from a different stance.

I am convinced that there is positive to be found in ALL negative life has to dish out. To become proficient at finding the positive takes work and practice. The pay off is awesome. I now smile more, do not allow negative experiences or negative people bring me down. My sex abuse for years was my confusion. Why me ? I even played the “whiner” card. Uggh , was that an ugly scene. I now realize the positive, which is my book, and my ability to help others who have suffered a similar plight.

Re framing life situations can be accomplished, but yes it takes perseverance and practice . You have to want to change and practice or it will not work. After a few days, Lynn went through her normal fear reaction and disappointment that her accident happened. She was able to see the positive in her accident. She was alive. She now has become a better driver,  and her positive attitude has spilled over onto her friends. Maybe just maybe because of her interaction and positive outlook  this could spill over onto her friends. She may actually help another divert them from a potential accident. When she drives her younger brother on wet roads, she will be more cautious, just maybe this occurred to protect them down the road, or for her to teach her children about her experience. Life is full of unknown lessons. We may not realize it till years later. Re framing is just that, looking for the positive in a bad, uncomfortable experience and using it to your advantage.

Reading this page will not get it done, it takes practice , recognizing when you fail, and trying again. Once you become proficient at it stand back and watch the positive fallout onto others. It is AWESOME.

Become a fan on facebook. See the photographs of the actual oak tree and the authors home, as well as a sneak peak at the new book. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Above-His-Shoulders/274131107309?ref=nf