What is Misguided Anger in Victims of Sex Abuse?

The question here implies that there is appropriate expression of anger. Is there anger that is focused in a healthy manner? Yes. The majority of abuse victims will experience degrees of anger throughout their life. This not only occurs with victims of sex abuse, but victims of emotional abuse as well. This anger is played out in a variety of ways.

Some use the “poor me” attitude throughout life, where others are always perceived to be better off. This “sun in my eyes, shoe is untied attitude” becomes old and is unhealthy. These individuals are stuck in a mode of trying to obtain secondary gain. They will seek out individuals that are co-dependent and will flood the victim with sympathy. This self-destructing behavior never leads to happiness. It usually leads to a life of loneliness and superficial relationships.

Other victims have a false sense of entitlement, that is similar to the above, “I deserve better, because I have been abused.” Some individuals externalize blame onto the world. There is anger toward their parents, siblings, relationships, and children. They express anger in the form of threats and can be destructive to personal property and even resort to physical violence.
Anger is a very appropriate feeling that victims of abuse experience and most deal poorly with expressing it. When the anger becomes destructive to themselves and loved ones it is time for treatment. Self-destructive anger is rarely resolved on one’s own and usually, the individual needs a trusting, objective therapist. This therapist should help by not only focusing on the origin of the anger, but how it is “perpetrator-like.”

When a victim dumps extreme forms of anger onto others, they are victimizing them. There are consequences and fall-out to all expressions of feelings, especially misguided anger.
Anger can be healthy when appropriately expressed and stimulates productive communication. We can split definitional hairs here. Some call healthy anger passion. Others feel all anger is unhealthy.
Anger is very closely connected to fear. When we are scared and do not know how to express fear or when we feel that expressing fear is not masculine or viewed as weakness, we resort to anger. Hatred toward minorities, the holocaust, and the genocide of Native Americans all have some degree of a foundation of fear.

For me, passion, anger, and fear all played a vital role in progressing on a path of health. One must acknowledge their fear and recognize how unhealthy anger can cause so much harm to others. If one never transitions out of their angry stance at life, a new path becomes difficult to be carved out. Life is too short for one to carry such ugly baggage along the way. One can improve. One can find inner peace, however, one must want it. You must find humility to become a stronger individual.

How the book, Above His Shoulders will help:

While writing this book I had to reflect back on my dark side, the Darth Vader in us all. It was not easy or pleasant, however I had to come clean in order for there to be any benefit to others. Victims of abuse are angry and usually feel they have no outlet. Triggers occur and flashbacks may even happen. In the book I describe these episodes and how they hurt others. I am much more at peace now, and have channeled my anger into productive and healthy venues. It helps to understand why it occurred. One does NOT have to carry this baggage with them their entire life.

Become a fan on facebook. See the photographs of the actual oak tree and the authors home, as well as a sneak peak at the new book. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Above-His-Shoulders/274131107309?ref=nf

For more information please go to: http://www.peaceandhealing.com/