Opening and Closing Doors.

Listening to friends recant memories of  parenting, enjoyable experiences, and reflecting on childhood milestones hit me with an interesting phenomenon. Being divorced more than once, raising my children on weekends, and vacations gave rise to memories and absence of experiences that I longed for. The excitement of bringing grades home from school, school accomplishments, and even the daily discipline of instilling boundaries and moral teachings. Yes, I played a large role as a father, however divorce has it’s fallout. One of my ex-wives purposely did not inform me of events, the price I as well as my child had to pay. Closing the door on a relationship, also closes the door on memories. When I open the door to look and reminisce on positive memories, so often it is attached to some ugly memories.

In writing “Above His Shoulder,” I had to open up a door, and then in that room were many boxes all with padlocks that each contained a memory. Difficult, but clearly worth the effort. When we approach life trauma from the past we MUST look at it head on, for only then can we dump it. Sure, it will never go away completely but we have purged ourselves of the ugliness. This is best accomplished with a best friend, or therapist depending on the severity and the impact it has on your life. Gray is the key here. If one repeatedly opens up the door, and dwells then it becomes counterproductive and starts feeding a pathological side of ourselves. If one never opens up the door, or just cracks the door open it will never be fully resolved. This I can promise you.

It is an interesting dance we do after divorce, after doors are closed we have options to explore, deny, or let memories fade into the woodwork of time. Life is not a cake walk, we get out of it what we put into it. One must open the doors of the past and look at how past memories and it’s effects have changed or influenced your life. Until that happens, you run a risk of repeating the same mistakes, and living either an apathetic life or a life in denial.

Only you have the key to unlock these memories, you decide when? Life is too short to allow it to carry with you and effect future relationships, and future happiness. When someone on your path of life knocks on your door, what a great feeling to welcome them knowing your closet has been cleaned.

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