Finding Yourself (Nature vs. Nuture)

Who are you ? Are you a product of your environment ? Are you a genetic creation ? A combination of many influences ? All experiences shape us to what we become. We can become distrusting when we live with someone who lies to us repeatedly. If we experience abuse, trauma, and pain we also become distrusting, and guarded. We are in actuality a combination of genetic influences, environmental influences and life experiences whether good or bad. We make bad decisions , hopefully learn, and move forward. So who are we really ? Do we really know our attributes, and do we really believe them ?

It amazes me that some professionals state, ” start with a clean slate.” That seems not only impossible but unrealistic. It is the slate filled with emotional junk that got us to a place to find ourselves to begin with. Do not hold on to the past but don’t forget all of it, for that can be a huge motivator to start a new. Then one can look back on their past and thumb their nose at it.

For myself  I found that being by myself  for an extended period of time, and close to nature was imperative to become grounded. We hear grounded many times, so what in the world does that mean ?  When an airplane becomes grounded it is more secure, that  is what we are looking for here, feeling more secure with ourselves. Chris McCandless in the movie ,” Into the Wild “  found himself. Yes he died, yes some thought he was foolish, but he was on a quest  and an escape from his dysfunctional family. Finding yourself is not an easy camping trip for a weekend, nor is it climbing a mountain or going to Alaska by yourself. It is a long journey that one must accept will never be complete until we pass on to the next life.

For the first time  since my sexual abuse I am more grounded, more secure, more focused than I ever have been.Happiness comes with a price. So often that price may be indirectly hurting others in order to save yourself. Re assess your life, your goals, and what you want out of life and what can you give back to others.

Finding who you are, is not having the most expensive car, the largest home, or the powerful position at the office. Finding yourself is finding the moral character, the integrity, and values you wish to pass on to your children and others. The spill over effect is awesome, as others will also see your self confidence. I am addressing self confidence, NOT arrogance. There is a large difference between the two. Self confidence is not caring what other individuals think of you and proceeding for the benefit of your values and what you can give back. Arrogance is you benefiting at the expense of others and their feelings .

Many mistakes will be made. This is an awesome occurrence. It slays me why children, adults and especially professionals are reluctant to admit mistakes. HUMILITY = WISDOM.  Our country has had a reputation of being one of the most arrogant countries in the world. It is time we as individuals to admit our short comings and learn form our mistakes. In order to find yourself you MUST accept defeat, pick yourself up by the boot straps and continue again. Persevere, and eventually you will achieve your goal.

Listen to others. Really listen to all people, there is something to learn even if it is wrong advice.Be cautious with trusting others, but have an open heart. Find the positive in everyday situations. A karmic thread runs through life, it takes practice to see it, I promise you it is there.

Explore new ventures , be open to all experiences, and respect others. All of us can find ourselves, even if we have gone through terrible circumstances like abuse, physical trauma, divorce, or the loss of a loved one. All of your traits are already within you, they need to be supported and loved and they will flourish. The map to finding one’s self is in your heart, your soul and your experience. It is not looking outward being jealous of the world or others. Look in the mirror, if you do not like what you see, take a walk into the woods, find the ugliest tree you can find. Look closely at what it gives back. Shade, oxygen,  a home for wildlife and in the end soil for the forest floor or wood to make a warm fire to warm the hearts of others. You have positive traits despite any trauma you have experienced. Find them, make a difference, make an impact on others. The world needs you.

Become a fan on facebook. See the photographs of the actual oak tree and the authors home, as well as a sneak peak at the new book. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Above-His-Shoulders/274131107309?ref=nf