Externalizing Blame

Ah yes. the human condition. We are a strange bread of animal. Our self esteem or lack there of gets in the way so frequently. If it is too demolished we overcompensate and show narcissism and self indulgence, if it is not fostered we frequently become less confident and do not move forward in life. Traumas occur by selfish hurt individuals. We find ourselves in relationships and  friendships that have impacted our lives in a negative manner. We may not be self confident and allow their influence to shatter our self esteem and subsequently impact our own behavior on how we treat others.

Externalizing blame is common and in some cases healthy to do. The woman who was married to a verbally abusive, selfish man and does not bail on this relationship has a right to blame her past environment. The victim of abuse or the woman who was raped has a right to blame their perpetrator. It is when the blame continues for years and there is no change that it becomes destructive to our personality.A comedian once spoke of the many Hollywood actors that would whine and complain about their past. Their substance abuse, and promiscuity was a direct result of inattentiveness by parents, an alcoholic family and the sun was in their eyes and their shoe was untied. The comedians treatment. ” SHUT THE HELL UP, NEXT! ” Dramatic, over the top, but somewhat accurate. We can only whine and complain so long about the bad hand we have been dealt. At some point we need to blaze our own trail and dump the crap that has been handed to us. Yes, this is much easier said then done.

As I have reached my fifth decade of life I become more and more disappointed with the human condition. Humans are so misguided. Writers seem to seek fame, fortune and accolades. We can hardly believe what we read in print any more and we seem to constantly question the motivation of others. ” Do the right thing.” What is the right thing?  Recognize that past relationships that were unhealthy are PAST relationships. Why give that person the power to continuously effect your future. Stop blaming the past. I am not being abused anymore. I am a different healthier individual. The trauma shaped me to not only be stronger as a human being but also to help others in similar situations. Stop externalizing blame. Brainstorm on how you personally can give a little bit back to someone else.

We walk this earth, ONCE AND ONLY ONCE. Make the best of it. Would you rather hang with someone that whines and complains or someone that sees the positive and seeks out how they can give something back to the unfortunate. It does not have to be financial. it can be a smile, a joke, a flower, a picture sent to a loved one,or a total forgiveness of someones past behavior.( I should comment here that there is a difference between forgiveness and avoiding hurtful individuals that will bring you down into the ugly muck. Accept the fact that some humans just are not human. These aliens live their their lives to directly and indirectly hurt others. Avoid them at all costs.)

There is a place for externalizing blame. It is in the beginning to recognize why you externalize blame. Then be done. Sure it will creep in ever so often. You must eventually be done for it will eat your soul alive and you cannot give back to others you truly love.Forgive yourself and your mistakes that is the difficult task, but obtainable.

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