What is Doormat Syndrome in Relationships ?

There are many effects that sex abuse can have on relationships involving sex abuse survivors. A few signs and symptoms are anger,distancing,as well as bad judgment when choosing a mate.

For this article, I want to address what I call, ” Doormat Syndrome ” versus being truly caring and loving.

Doormat Syndrome is where the adult survivor goes out of  his or her way, sacrificing their own happiness to please the other. This can be seen in cleaning,cooking, and excessive household chores for fear of disappointing their mate. For example: does a male survivor open up the car door for his wife to either avoid conflict,or to please, versus doing this behavior because he truly loves her ?

One may succumb to the spouse’s quirks,(which we all have) just to keep peace.

There is usually no compromise, but a bowing down to please. This is very similar to being co-dependent and  living with an alcoholic, like closing one eye at a spouse’s unhealthy behavior. There is usually lack of communication,decreased intimacy,and very little appreciation.

The behavior can become so excessive that one now actually feels like a victim again. The adult survivor constantly gives , reaching a point of emotional exhaustion. Eventually this can build up intense animosity,distancing, and reaches a point of no return.

Open, honest communication, and recognition of the behavior must occur in order to achieve any hope of resolution. Happiness will not spontaneously occur. Most times if communication does not occur, and there is no ability to introspect one’s own issues the relationship is destined to fail.

When one implements gestures that are truly loving and caring, they are easily recognized. There is not a feeling of,  ” you owe me. “  Behavior of true love is done spontaneously, from the heart, and is not premeditated with thoughts of outcome. It is that wonderful feeling to see someone happy and stress free.  The giving comes from the heart, NOT from the skeletons of previous pain.

How the book, Above His Shoulders will help ?

In my book, I specifically address how I succumb to a doormat type syndrome. Here I play the role of a victim to perfection. I would go to any extreme to please, and hope for a positive response. This is very unhealthy and is the exact opposite of what true love and a healthy relationship should be. By addressing this issue in the book, I hope to help others who suffer from this, and give them recognition into their own relationship. It is ok to give back to your loved one but do it because you love them, not because you must bow down and please.

Become a fan on facebook. See the photographs of the actual oak tree and the authors home, as well as a sneak peak at the new book. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Above-His-Shoulders/274131107309?ref=nf