Disclosure vs. Self Intospection

Recently it has been presented to me various options of resolving traumatic events in one’s life. A dear friend posed a statement, that not everyone may find it helpful to disclose. Some individuals feel better by processing the material on their own. The disclosure becomes just a dumping ground and the individual then ruminates over and over triggering bad memories.

We need to recognize the importance that ALL individuals are different and have different coping mechanisms, at the same time not let out knowledge of sharing,disclosure, and dumping emotional baggage prevent us from moving forward. Just because we have done something one way all of our lives does not mean we can’t learn new ways of coping.

Personally I have not seen in over hundreds of patients NOT BENEFIT FROM SOME SORT OF DISCLOSURE. Look at Vietnam vets, rape victims, abuse victims, battered women and the list goes on. I have NEVER  seen one of these instances where disclosure of the trauma did not help. Yes, it is painful, yes its is difficult and yes it triggers memories. The pay off is a cleansing a washing away of a long time burden.

The opposing view is to process these terrible feelings in our mind trying to make sense of an ugly situation. This can be beneficial. ONLY AND I REPEAT ONLY IF IT HAS HAD PRIOR SUCCESS AND YOU DO NOT REVISIT THE SITUATION. If the situation has to be revisited time and time again the it has NOT been effectively dealt with.

In relationships it is imperative we respect each others modality of dealing with past traumas, as well as relying on communication and  all sources of moving forward. One way is not the ONLY way of dealing with life stressors. All avenues of healing, resolving conflict, must be attempted are we do ourselves a tremendous disservice. There are no specific guidelines. I have always been a believer of “grey.”Life is not black and white, solutions are not black and white. We MUST risk and try new methods or we never, never grow. We will get stuck, and keep doing the same old behavior fooling ourselves that we are getting better when in reality we are only prolonging the inevitable.

What I have learned from my friend, is that I also process in my head problems that arise. I dump it quicker. This is not wrong nor right,it is my way. We must be there for our loved ones . In times of crisis, in times of pain but WE MUST RESPECT THEIR BOUNDARIES, RESPECT THEIR PRIVACY AND NOT FEEL AS IF IT IS AN AFFRONT TO US. When individuals are ready on their time table, they will come to you. A tea kettle will boil for only so long, when the whistle keeps blowing it is time to take it off the heat. If one does not, the water evaporates out and is gone. When that happens to a human? One has lost a precious chance at problem solving at learning new behavior. As the tea kettle can be scorched and burnt forever when not taken off the stove, so can wounds of the past.

We must recognize when it is time to share our traumas, we need to know when it is time to remove the tea kettle. When days of depression and sadness accumulate, when it impacts our loved ones, when we become stuck, then risk. Realize the tea kettle is whistling. Please try and resolve it on your own, give it a shot. This can be very empowering, however if you get stuck cling to your best friend, that is why they are your best friend. Go to your therapist, priest or close family member. Remember paddling a canoe is easier with two people, asking for help is an awesome move. Trust, love, and move forward. Growth is only a risk away.

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