Sadly, our own professionals in the field were grossly misguided and had skewed distorted perceptions of the diagnosis itself. The (DSM) is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. This text allows a diagnosis, a label be placed on an individual by reviewing a constellation of symptoms. It also allows financial reimbursement to the therapist or doctor. The third edition came out in 1980. This edition was used until the year 2000. Under the diagnosis of Pedophilia there is a differential diagnosis to avoid the label. (here it comes! and I quote:)

“ISOLATED SEXUAL ACTS WITH CHILDREN DO NOT WARRANT THE DIAGNOSIS OF PEDOPHILIA. SUCH ACTS MAY BE PRECIPITATED BY MARITAL DISCORD, RECENT LOSS, OR INTENSE LONELINESS. IN SUCH INSTANCES THE DESIRE FOR SEX WITH A CHILD MAY BE UNDERSTOOD AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR A PREFERRED BUT UNOBTAINABLE ADULT.”

In other words our Professional Society of Psychiatrists, Psychologists and Social Workers would give an out for those abusing children if they fell into this category. Needless to say this was removed in the DSM IV, revised edition which came out in 2000.

Pedophiles do fit certain profiles. They are not specific to any socioeconomic class, they are not necessarily the creepy, disheveled guy at the corner bar. Less than five percent of homosexuals are pedophiles, this is a large misconception that homosexuals abuse children.

Pedophiles are usually less than six feet tall, they are usually engaging and very pleasant, they have to be in order to gain trust with the victim, as well as gaining trust with the victims family. Approximately thirty percent were victims as a child, this leaves sixty percent that had never experienced abuse. The majority of pedophiles do not get caught for their worst offense, seventy percent have other sexual fetishes like voyeurism and exhibitionism, thirty percent are related to the victim, and pedophiles do not necessarily have to reach an arousal state to abuse. I have had patients that were impotent in their seventh and eighth decade of life continue to sexually abuse children.

Perpetrators go through a mental cycle of offending. There is actually a short lived cycle of guilt that takes place after the abuse. This guilt cycle they experience varies in duration and intensity before they need to reoffend again.

In my book, Above His Shoulders I discuss the “grooming process” that occurs. Grooming is the premeditated, calculated manipulation of trust with the victim. This grooming can occur even with the victims family. It can take months to years to establish the confidence of the child and the family before the actual abuse takes place.

As with serial killers, perpetrators become over confident. The more victims they abuse the less cautious they may become. This will lead to a mistake and eventually a conviction. The psychological profile, methodology and behavior of a sexual perpetrator is disturbing to say the least. This may be a few reasons why our society shows gross reluctance to spend the appropriate time, research and money towards treatment.

The recidivism rate is high, the treatment is expensive. There are no short term answers. The best treatment is educating our children to be vigilant and disclose immediately to a loved one. Prevention can make a difference.

For more in depth information please visit www.peaceandhealing.com

My own treatment was a trial and error path. I have experienced therapists that did not have a clue. Some were plastic and superficial who thought caring was an inflection of voice and a constant smile, as well as caring and genuine individuals that guided me to finding my true self.

Those adults who have acknowledged their abuse, be patient. Understand you may have to go through a few therapists before you find one you can dance with. Those of you out there that feel you have dealt with it fine and do not need to process the trauma, I ask you, why are you reading this blog?

I have finally reached a reckoning, a knowledge of who I am and who the abused person was. I am able to trust, I refuse to be a door mat. I am more in touch with my anger than ever before. A calmness has entered my soul and for the first time I am allowing others to love me.

Distrust and relationships go hand in hand with victims of abuse. Treatment for myself dealt with re framing of what triggers influence anger and sadness which resulted in distancing. I made bad choices in relationships and picked individuals with broken wings, thinking I could mend them. I was the caretaker, a giver, I learned I was diluting myself and not dancing a dance of love.

There are many methods of treatment. There is not one modality that is a cure all for victims. Some may need spiritual guidance, others a gentle approach and others a more firm abrasive confrontation.

I can guarantee you, that therapy one or two times a week will NOT get it done. If you do not work on yourself when you are not in session you will either fail, or relapse.

Life is a dance, we get hurt and experience pain. It is ok to ask for help. It is ok to disclose your pain. With humility, disclosure and hope towards the future the sun WILL shine again. Your true self will be found. You will experience happiness and realize your abuse, although a horrific slice of time in your life is just that, ” a slice of time.” Your future is bright, however you must truly believe it and actually act on this and implement change. There is hope. I am living proof.

In my experience, parents need to be aware, not naive, however, at the same time use appropriate judgement. There are many false accusations and knee jerk reactions when in reality the child is demonstrating curious behavior that falls within the norm. Frequently parents over react when there has been no abuse at all, this is understandable given the love and nurturance in a parent child relationship. When in doubt, always consult a professional in the field before interrogating your child. The degree behind the professionals name is many times irrelevant. Experience directly related to the topic is of the utmost importance.

We do know the more symptoms observed, the higher the index of suspicion for abuse. Many symptoms to be aware of are, but not limited to the following: regressed behaviors, sudden drop in grades, clinging or neediness out of the ordinary, physical complaints, appetite changes, explosive angry behavior, sex play with toys, change in sleep patterns,obsessed towards cleanliness, avoiding social gatherings, animal abuse towards pets, self abuse, suicide attempts, and sudden changes in normal everyday behavior.

Please be advised in my twenty-one years of treating victims of abuse I have never seen one victim who only displays one or two symptoms. Other life traumas can initiate a similar constellation of symptoms. Any severe life trauma, marital discord, witnessing repeated physical or emotional abuse, a sudden loss of a parent, and even natural disasters, like tornado’s taking away a child’s home, or the devastation of a hurricane. Many times these go unrecognized as how severe they play a role in affecting a child’s life.

In summation parents need to be alert, however use good judgement in their assessment. Educating children, open communication,and trust with your children is a foundational building block that can never be taken away.

Treatment and empowerment of victims of abuse will be addressed in upcoming blogs.