Hauntings of the past. A frequent and distressing commonality with all who have experienced some form of abuse. Would appreciate any feedback, personal experience, and stories that might be able to help others.
Dan Williams
author, “Above His Shoulders”
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Dan:
I am so glad I came across this website! I am jsut now beginning to feel the full impact of sexual abuse that happened to me 22 years ago. It started at the age of six at the hands of my brother. My mother was an alcoholic and bipolar, so she was of very little to no emotional support to us children(I am one of six, three of us were born within 12 to 14 months of each other). My father worked constantly to get out of the house and to provide for the family. We children, therefore, were left to figure out “love” and “affection” on our own. At about 12 years old, the abuse from my brother stopped, but the abuse at teh hands of my cousin as well as my brother’s friends was just beginning. Promiscuity was a result of my hunger for validation from any man. Now I am married to a wonderful man and I have two beautiful children. However, now that the skeletons are falling out of my closet I have found myself damaging my marital relationship by seeking out the affection of a male coworker. I have not had a physical affair, only emotional. My husband is incredibly hurt by my actions, and rightfully so. I just spent a week in an inpatient facility for suicidal ideations. My husband and I have decided that I should move out to face my demons on my own. God bless him because he is still willing to help me through this hell. I pray that God will heal our relationship and my heart. I need to learn how to reaffirm myself and know that I am okay. I still have many thoughts about everyone else, like “Why is that spouse not cheating” or “why do they have such a stable marriage”.
Thank you for sharing your story. There is light at the end of the tunnel. You are almost there. Your husband sounds like a very supportive man. You, also are very introspective. Now, you need to put that into action. I had a very difficult time leaving my last relationship, thinking I should stay in it for children. There comes a time when one must realize that life is very short and all of us are deserving of more. I hope your therapy is helping you. Whether it is your own demons, an alcoholic spouse, or sleeping in separate rooms for years, eventually you need to be appreciated and appreciate yourself. Please remember, God is there for you, however God can save your soul, but only YOU can save you. God gave you judgement and insight. Use it to your advantage.
Dan,
Even though I have revisited this issue time and time again. I can’t help but feeling like I’m on a deeper level now . . . like the Ericson’s spiral – we keep visiting this issue time and again but not at the same place even though it feels like it. This along with 3 serious head injuries (childhood, adolescence, and just a few years ago) have currently made this process of working on my abuse issues more difficult because the PTSD from my auto accident and my abuse from my brothers gets too much to bear at times however other times, I am able to handle certain situations better. I guess that’s why I continue to visit this site so often? This site, along with talking with a select few people, offers me hope, healing, understanding and a feeling like I’m not the Lone Ranger.
Thanks again for your continual inspiration, your website and your book as well.
Maria,
Thank you for your kind words. I am a firm believer that traumas in life occur for a reason. It may take years to figure this out, and sometimes we just do not. The process, believe in the process, the journey. I found for me I had to know why? I wanted to figure it all out. It does not happen all the time, however the journey, the process, the walk down my own country road was the healing. The journey, and you revisiting the site is part of the process.
In Peace and Healing,
Dan Williams
Dan,
Oh my gosh! I thought I was the only one who thought that way. Usually I hear of others not talking about the “why” of it all, except with motor vehicle accidents (MVA’s) during rehab. I still have this yearning to figure out the why and the all that goes with the process. I am also rather impatient, and tend to want to know everything right now even though I have learned to be more patient as the years have passed and I have learned and worked hard during the my healing journey thus far.
Thanks again for your thoughtful and healing words of encouragement.
Maria
Maria,
I am so glad we met, that is not a coincidence, the timing, the book, the blog, your MVA’s all play a role in where you are at in life. Many traditional institutions do not speak of the spiritual journey, even books like The Celestine Prophecy, and the sequel the Celestine Vision are not answers to our journey, they are only a match, an ignition to the vehicle starting, we must drive the car down that road. It is not easy, and frankly damn hard, but the pay off is huge. Stay in touch, I wish you well, you will have failures which are AWESOME, embrace your failures and love the success and new experiences. See you on your journey, I am still on mine.
Dr. Dan