Selfish Mourning??

When a dear one leaves this earth we mourn. All of us are effected differently depending on how close we were to the person we lost. Victims of abuse also mourn. We mourn our loss of dignity, the trauma of not wanting it to occur in the first place, not having courage to come forth, or feeling we could of done something to avoid it.

Selfish behavior occurs when we think, or perceive we are benefiting at the expense of others. That my dear AHS followers is selfishness. The only way mourning a death of a loved one becomes selfish is if we take time away from the living, or we decrease our love for the ones around us due to our mourning. It is healthy to mourn, cry express.

Yes our deceased loved one would want us to party, laugh, look back on their teachings and move forward full steam ahead. There will never be a replacement for the loss. There cannot be a spiritual band aid to cover the hurting soul. Time plays a large role in healing, as well as support from loved ones. Death has been viewed as an ugly, obtuse, mystery. Mostly in our society than others. Many cultures for generations recognize the loss and sadness but appreciate and celebrate in a variety of ways. One does not even need to bring religion into this conversation. Celebration of death can be the celebration of new beginnings. It is so hard to move past generations of stereotypes on death. The loss is real, the sadness is real but selfishness, NOT A CHANCE!

Distortions of our thinking are usually placed there through years of implementation by parents , spouses or friends. The way we learned it in the past is NOT necessarily the way it is now.As  my dear mentor Dr. Hammerschlag frequently states. Learn new ways, new paths, accept the fact it is OK to feel. As it is ok to express your feelings. It would be selfish to keep your feelings in and not share them with those that love you the most, that is SELFISH. Cry, take a walk, accept your feelings, own them as yours and hold a lovers hand in support. Revel at the beauty of nature, our deceased relatives are all around us in the beauty of life.