Disappointment

In order for disappointment to occur, one must have expectations, goals, and/or an agreement that is not met. Disappointment can be all consuming. There are individuals that thrive on disappointment, setting themselves up with too high of expectations or false hopes leading them to a deep depression.

When we experience personal disappointment, it often stems from within our own soul, however, instead of looking at ourselves we frequently externalize the blame onto others.

I am not referring to pathological disappointment. Pathological disappointment can be induced by the less than adequate parent who does not have the skills to meet a child’s needs. The individual is too selfish, too immature. We frequently see this in a spouse who lacks the ability to sacrifice their own needs for their husband or wife.

When we are disappointed, it frequently stems from our own expectations of ourselves, or others falling short of the mark. Should those feelings creep into our psyche, we need to reassess the foundation of those feelings. It is here we have a choice. One can wallow in self pity, creating a wonderful cycle of depression, or lower your expectations and reassess future goals.

An athlete should not expect to obtain world record numbers in their first year of professional sports. All sports psychologists explain the importance of setting goals, obtainable goals, then moving forward from there. Obtainable goals, allow us the satisfaction of personal growth, experiencing the accomplishment and decreases the ugliness of disappointment.

I encourage children as well as adults to reassess their goals. Are they obtainable? If so, over what period of time? Can they introspect and not externalize blame to others? Can they stop the “poor me” presentation?

Why is it, that the small town farmer who has very little in terms of materialistic items and experiences a bad yield from his crop continues to plant for the following season? He may reassess his soil, change his planting technique, yet still looks forward to the upcoming spring. Granted, we are all wired a little differently, however, we can always learn from the less fortunate. I have always learned the most from those who have had very little or those who have walked a troubled path. It has been the less fortunate, the minorities, and the victims of physical and sexual abuse that have taught me the most. They have experienced much disappointment and yet they continue to smile at the same sunrise I view.