Fear is an amazing force that can paralyze an individual,cause expression of anger, defensiveness, depression,tears,and freezing one into complete isolation.

I could spend paragraphs on the roots of fear;however, this would defeat the purpose of this blog. Psychologists and therapists are supposed to be proficient at identifying causes. The challenge is moving forward,recognizing and implementing change.

When one feels hurt, threatened, or attacked, fear is frequently translated into an expression of anger or immobilization. For myself, I needed a goal, a focus to change my behavior. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt a loved one. That is enough motivation for me to express my fear and not translate it into anger. I will not be on top of my game plan one hundred percent, but progress has been clearly made over the years. Others may need to find their own motivation to move through their fear. One could be stuck in a dying relationship, fear of competition, fear of expressing love, or fear of commitment.

Fear can freeze an athlete at the plate, striking out when the pressure is on. It can be a paralyzing force stopping individuals from moving forward. To overcome ONE MUST CONFRONT THEIR FEAR HEAD ON. Acknowledge it and risk. Expect failure, failure is an awesome experience. That is how one learns. Many times we fail, inducing fear and then the cycle continues, giving a false reaffirmation that we should not try. God only know I have failed many times and will continue to make errors. I am thankful I have support from a loved one that points these errors out to me. Strength is a process, that comes with growth and new experiences. Keep you eye on the horizon, and your face into the wind. Enjoy the success and learn from the failures. DO NOT BE AFRAID OF FEAR, IT IS YOUR MOTIVATOR.

Recently I received a blind attack by an individual that had met me only once for about forty five minutes. The attack was unsolicited and the attack reminded me of past verbal assaults. This person ran my character down, cursed, and veiled threats were made. All reminders of my past. She did not know my intent, my soul, my heart, she drew assumptions and did her best to bring me down. I suppose if this would of occurred years ago I might of yelled back, felt wounded, and become transiently depressed. Instead I thought how sad, she never gave me a chance, I thought of how lucky I am, how much love I have recently found, and sincerity, true genuine kindness. There is an old fable that is important for this interaction:

Two Wolves inside all of us

One evening, an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, ” My son, there is a battle each day between two wolves inside us all.

One is evil. It is anger, envy, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, blame, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, faith in the spirit, faith in yourself, and faith in others.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, ” Which wolf wins”

The old Cherokee simply replied, ” The one you feed.”

–anonymous

I was pleased at my response. I too have seen my growth over the years. This individual may of been jealous, angry, and needed to be hurtful due to her own insecurity. In the end it does not really matter. I will look hard to see her positives, I have seen her smile , her wit and humor. I know there is goodness there, it just needs to be cultivated and fed. It will do no good to confront, or to bring up the past. The present and the future is what is important. A dear friend has drilled this into my cerebral hemispheres, she is correct. Not to say that in order to move forward one must never look at the past, one has to locate the problem before the repair begins. Feed the good wolf, allow it to grow, pointing fingers will only feed the angry jealous wolf and one will be encompassed with sadness and despair. Give back to others attempt to forgive and embrace those that hurt us, you might be surprised, you know they will be.

Dan Williams