I frequently speak of nature and the effect it has on my own anxiety and stress. Nothing is a panacea for all our stress or dysfunction. Those addicted to the urban excitement and plethora of theaters, concerts and sporting events with restaurants at a click of a mobile GPS defend their turf with honor. I lived in New York for four years. It was addicting in the beginning and exciting. The noise pollution, and calloused attitude of its inhabitants barely clouded the East coast arrogance. This could never of been portrayed so eloquently as the famous picture on the cover of the New Yorker Magazine where the city is predominantly the nucleus of the United States and everything West of the Hudson is barren and not worth viewing.
Remember our roots. ALL of us came from rural settings. At one point if you trace your family tree long enough you will find some relative working the field or blue collar job to help progress the next generation. Those that are moved by the sunset, the solitude of nature, and the serenity of a placid lake while a loon breaks the water’s plane have to be more in touch with something deeper than themselves.
Lay on a blanket on a cool summer night. View the sky and the multitude of stars, and planets. Even space is being cluttered now with numerous satellites. a reminder of man’s invasion of yet another arena that was once pristine. We are only a humble speck amongst all living creatures.
For myself nature is the, “absolute truth.” Nature will not lie, our woods our streams will be there for us to immerse ourselves in from a total sensory experience and if we so choose a spiritual one. My dearest best friend gave me a framed blade of grass for Fathers Day. Why? She frequently wants me to meditate on a blade of grass when I stress. It was initially humorous and then became serious. I cherish this gift. It was one of the most thoughtful, dearest gifts I have received. How symbolic. One blade of grass can be so powerful. Sometimes we should re-look at all living relatives, even a blade of grass. One grain of sand, one blade of grass, one leaf are all important creating a whole for us to enjoy.
Frustrations of life continue. Success is measured frequently by how much is in our bank account, the value of our car, and what college our children attend. My son is a doctor, my daughter is going to Harvard, no, mine is going to Princeton, to what end do we become blinded by status and false illusions of power, and money. When was the last time you heard a parent brag how their child has such a deep appreciation for the outdoors? Or my child wants to make a difference by giving back to others.
It is time we instill some basic values, and not emotionally whip or children in a direction of status. Those with the most toys in the end does not win! There is no winning and losing in life. There is only living. It depends how happy you want to be while living. Walk barefoot in the grass, feel the breeze carees your face, embrace the simplest virtues around you. They have always been there, but have you always been aware of them ?
When a dear one leaves this earth we mourn. All of us are effected differently depending on how close we were to the person we lost. Victims of abuse also mourn. We mourn our loss of dignity, the trauma of not wanting it to occur in the first place, not having courage to come forth, or feeling we could of done something to avoid it.
Selfish behavior occurs when we think, or perceive we are benefiting at the expense of others. That my dear AHS followers is selfishness. The only way mourning a death of a loved one becomes selfish is if we take time away from the living, or we decrease our love for the ones around us due to our mourning. It is healthy to mourn, cry express.
Yes our deceased loved one would want us to party, laugh, look back on their teachings and move forward full steam ahead. There will never be a replacement for the loss. There cannot be a spiritual band aid to cover the hurting soul. Time plays a large role in healing, as well as support from loved ones. Death has been viewed as an ugly, obtuse, mystery. Mostly in our society than others. Many cultures for generations recognize the loss and sadness but appreciate and celebrate in a variety of ways. One does not even need to bring religion into this conversation. Celebration of death can be the celebration of new beginnings. It is so hard to move past generations of stereotypes on death. The loss is real, the sadness is real but selfishness, NOT A CHANCE!
Distortions of our thinking are usually placed there through years of implementation by parents , spouses or friends. The way we learned it in the past is NOT necessarily the way it is now.As my dear mentor Dr. Hammerschlag frequently states. Learn new ways, new paths, accept the fact it is OK to feel. As it is ok to express your feelings. It would be selfish to keep your feelings in and not share them with those that love you the most, that is SELFISH. Cry, take a walk, accept your feelings, own them as yours and hold a lovers hand in support. Revel at the beauty of nature, our deceased relatives are all around us in the beauty of life.
We live our lives based on past experiences and past choices. Some are good, others have turned out bad. Frequently, we repeat those bad choices. This is seen all too consistently in battered women as well as sexual abuse victims. It takes courage and humility to change a path, knowing one will be stereotyped and looked down upon because of previous mistakes.
In order to be happy, truly happy, one must reach for the stars and RISK. The day that stops or one becomes complacent, is the day we settle. Many do not reach for the stars due to fear of criticism or what family members will think. A person must look in the mirror and ask if they are truly happy and have tried all attempts at resolution. If you have, then change paths, move, try a new experience, live, breathe, climb a mountain and find out who you are. You only get one shot at this life on earth,why do it with half a heart?
Stars are difficult to catch. We may feel as if they are beyond our reach or we are undeserving of their rewards. You will never know the feeling of success unless you try. Set a goal and risk. Who knows, the next star you catch could set forth a beautiful chain of events teaching you that anything is possible.
I want to thank all that attended the presentation on June 3rd. It was a great success. We were able to donate one hundred dollars to the Janet Wattles Center. Thanks to all that contributed, asked questions, and spoke with me after the presentation. I especially would like to thank the lady that had her own spiritual experience with nature. The karmic thread continues to weave it’s magic. We all must keep being aware of our environment and how fortunate we are.
In Peace and Healing—Dan Williams
I would like to alert everyone to my next book signing and presentation. It will be at the Mildred Berry Center in Rockford, Illinois . Please see Events for map and directions. Time is from 6:00P.M. to 7:30P.M. THIS EVENT WILL BE DEAR TO MY HEART, AS HALF OF ALL BOOK SALES WILL GO DIRECTLY TO THE ” JANET WATTLES MENTAL HEALTH CENTER.” Please try to make the presentation, we can all make a difference, one step at a time.
Abuse of all kinds, sexual, emotional, physical can have lasting effects on one’s self esteem. It can shatter one’s confidence, rip apart one’s soul, and foster inadequacies and support a very poor self esteem. When we love these individuals, whether they are adults or children we see their positive attributes. We see how caring, how beautiful how appreciative, as well as their inner and outer beauty.
Imagine if they could see themselves through our eyes, so they could see what we see. How wonderful it would be for a child to see their potential when they feel inadequate. A woman who has been ridiculed for years, if she could see how lovely she is and how her decisions are actually on target.
That is what therapy is all about, having an objective observer, act as a traffic cop, guiding and empowering, hoping the individual not only sees their beauty, and attributes, but believes them.
If all the hurt people, the sad, the abused, and those struggling to find themselves could see themselves through our eyes. The Downs Syndrome child is full of love, seeing the positive in all, no matter the race, their history, or their shortcomings. Ah yes, to see individuals through rose colored glasses, now we have to try and get those individuals to look in the mirror and see who they really are.
This process is not easy and filled with road blocks, walls of the past, and old habits. There is NO reason to dwell and fall into a depression. It will do no good, serve no purpose. Realize processing old habits, old behavior will NOT move you forward. Focus on all the positives in your life, what you have, who loves you, and where you could be going with different perspectives. Change is not just a thought process away but more importantly an action away. Push through it. Do it. Who knows what the karmic thread will deliver, maybe someone may stop by on your path and make you a bit richer, in more ways than one.
My wonderful significant other wondered if I would obtain a pedicure, a process that is usually sought out by the female gender on the vanity quest of life. This ritual is usually more frequent in the summertime. Flip flops give way to baring the piglets of our feet. God forbid our toes go public with their disgusting contortions, dirt, hangnails, callouses, and a variety of other toe pathology. ” Sure!” I said with no trepidation. I am comfortable with my masculinity and would have no problem experiencing this commonly female ritual.
I found out that other men frequent the hand and foot salon where womens’ appendages become transformed into beautiful, clean-looking hands and feet. I was comfortable, sat down, and a pleasant Vietnamese woman began the process of exfoliating my fifty-one years of built-up, dry skin and scum. What I did not realize, as I sat with my girlfriend holding hands and laughing, I was risking, doing something I would have never done in the past.
She was next to me getting her feet done by a very nice, young Vietnamese gentleman. We struck up a conversation and he asked what we did. Bringing up the book has become a routine part of marketing. He showed interest and we briefly discussed abuse. Abuse is not just the sexually and physically abused. The minorities continue to be abused. All minorities have experienced some sort of victimization while they walk their own path. He stated he would try to make my next presentation.
During the presentation on April 22nd in walked our pedicurist. The pleasant Vietnamese gentleman showed! Wow! I was pleased and surprised. He purchased two books. Both were for friends who have been abused. The karmic thread once again took control. One has to allow it to happen and then reflect on it. If it wasn’t for my girlfriend mentioning the pedicure, my resolution of the abuse, as well as understanding my own distortions about masculinity, we would have never met the Vietnamese pedi-artist and the books would not have been shared. Who knows where this story will still go? Will the individuals that read them be moved? Will they refer someone else? The Karmic thread continues.
Masculinity is a farce in Western society. Men have a delusion that pedicures may implicate one as “gay”, that it is not the “right” thing to do. I have reached a point in my life where I am very comfortable in my own skin. I am not worried about misperceptions of others. In fact they are just that, MISPERCEPTIONS. If one wants to get to know me, that is awesome, if someone wants to judge me based on their preconceived notions, that is fine also.
The foot rehabilitation was awesome. I got a massage as clippings of dead nails fell to the bottom of the massage tub. My feet and toes were clean and the massage was great. No, I did not walk out and have a compulsion to wear women’s underwear, and I did not go out and order quiche with a croissant. We laughed together, had a blast, and I realized that my history of sexual abuse had once played a role. Keyword, “HAD.” I no longer hold onto stereotypes, and I will revisit the salon for another pedicure.
Risk. Life is always changing. Try new experiences. They will not hurt you and can be a lot of fun. Drop your preconceived ideas. Next week maybe a facial, who knows ?
No survivor of sex abuse is alone. Sharing your story of how you personally resolved and healed the scars of the past may help others. By sharing your story others may become inspired to disclose and seek help.
( You can remain anonymous ) If you would like to share your story click on comments below. One person will be randomly drawn at the end of April. Winner notified by e-mail.
OK, so why are there national prevention months? Hallmark seemed to corner the market on Sweetest Day, Grandparents Day, and many others. National prevention months that are implemented are very effective in keeping us grounded and waking us up to a variety of atrocities that occur. As my dear friend and mentor Dr. Hammerschlag states in his book , ” Healing Ceremonies and Rituals, “ rituals keep us grounded and remind us to practice what is important. We frequently see this in all religions. The practice of rituals and ceremonies focus us into prayer, meditation, and giving back.
Having an awareness month aids us in bringing these issues to the forefront. Give back! Find a cause. Even in this struggling economy, one can find a few dollars to send to a variety of support groups. Please visit www.feathersforfreedom.com for a few organizations that I strongly support. By helping one child get through their trauma, you are actually helping many. Our goal is they will learn to trust, love, and allow themselves to be loved.
Abused victims can be distrustful and hesitant to accept love. They do not feel worthy of accepting someone else’s love. When they resolve these issues, find their inner self and their attributes, they become empowered and not only accept but can give back.
With April comes Spring, a time for new beginnings. Thawing of frozen ground, warmth of sunshine, and the awakening of nature commences. Healing begins the same way. A thawing of frozen memories,with an awakening of a new person, a person who was always there, they just could not see their beauty.
Get involved and feel the rewards of giving something back. You will not regret it, I promise you.
As individuals, we do the daily grind, struggling with the economy, often attempting to gain enough money to seek out a vacation and unwind.
When we experience life trauma,external stresses are difficult to undo. We still must go to work, function, take care of family, and deal with whatever trauma or stress has occurred.
It is easier when we are away. At least for most. If we could only take our memories of our trips home with us and use them to de-stress. We frequently try and more often than not, fail. Usually, within two to three days of getting home, we fall back into routine. We may even experience a post-vacation depression of sorts.
When life trauma like abuse occurs, we frequently travel in our minds to escape. We may focus on the negative and spiral downward. For myself, writing this blog amongst the red rocks of Sedona, Arizona, I feel at peace.
My inner peace is knowing that beautiful,serene locations exist. I am fortunate to be here. I hope to spread the message that one can seek out and find inner peace anywhere. Sure, it helps to have the visual experience of a beautiful location. Serenity does not just begin with traveling to a new place. In order for me to appreciate nature and appreciate the goodness in others, I had to find serenity within myself. A calmness that actually always existed.
We all want to seek out health and happiness. When we get abused or experience the ugliness that life dishes out, we frequently get stuck. We do not risk anymore, or at least very little. When you stop risking and stop taking chances in life, you stop living. Serenity then, is seldom found. Sedona, Arizona has given me the perspective that inner peace is not the trip, not the red rock cliffs or the blanket of evening stars from above. It has to be within one’s soul first, then a clarity of life is seen, no matter where you are.
I have been to Sedona in the past. It looks different now. The cliffs have not moved, the sky is the same brilliant blue, and the stars dot the sky at night like Christmas lights above. So why is it so different, so much more beautiful ? It is my perspective, my new vision of life, the present and the future. I now have better judgement. I am slowing down and cleaning my emotional house as well as dumping past clutter. There is a freedom in letting go and walking a new path. Seeing Sedona again, through healthier eyes and a healthier soul, was a true awakening.
Open up your own Pandora’s box. Get rid of those old habits and move onto a new path. Places you have visited in the past just might look different to you. You may find your own serenity, and it may just be in your own backyard.
